Last night, I got a text from a friend saying "If anything ever happens to me, don't let my mom read my messages." Of course the only thing I can think about now is reading those messages, but because she lives thousands of miles away, I thought I'd go through mine and see if I had anything equally salacious (I don't, but here are some gems.) I've done this before here and here.
Oh god. Hope there's no nipple exposure or the like.
Just saw dog on leash literally size of shoe. Thought was something stuck to woman at first. (Follow up: Yes...probably cost twice as much as real dog.)
Poop in cup! Please. Are not poor widow in mid ages, can get help!
Just found a tissue in the pocket of my cardigan. Because apparently I'm an 80 year old man now.
I wish to engage with u.
Heard you got swine ful (yes, ful), is that true?
My texts are better than Andrew's.
Are lotions not liquid? Panic!
Woohoo can't wait for my special chin finger wiggle!
No dance floor, dj 21 wearing leopard print onesie with red chanel purse. Many male embryos in skinny jeans and shirts literally held together with paper clips.
Squatting easier than hovering. But i also take pants right off and lean on walls.