September 29, 2009

I miss you, life

Well, hello, Internet. Fancy meeting you here. Right?! Because WHERE THE HECK HAS MY TIME GONE? It feels like I've been jumping from one catastrophe to the next, and I'm like, "There are three episodes of The Office queued up on my laptop, does it look like I have time for this?" But I digress.

Since Friday, I've been in a workshop that has left me with no time to do anything except listen to mind numbing filibusters (GRE word!) and get to know my car in the Biblical sense. I've also been going home past 10 pm every night. If you were standing next to me today, you may or may not have heard me hiss at the sun when I managed to leave before dusk.

The highlight of the this workshop has been chilling with the Grand Mufti (who is AWESOME), but there have been a few lows. These include having to hear the following:
  • bibeline
  • tob down
  • vincinity (vicinity)
  • bassion
  • excepression
  • unprofessionality
  • verbing and wording
  • backaging
  • smoked salamon
  • Where am I?
I'm not even kidding you about the last point. Someone ACTUALLY said that today, after sitting in the conference hall for five days. If I hadn't eaten my weight in baby croissants, I just might have walked out. After putting a few baby croissants in my pocket for the drive home, of course.

September 23, 2009

Ugh, If I Must

Happy first birthday, stinking blog.

Text messages you wish you had

So, I missed my blog's birthday. I'm sad about this, but not THAT sad. I mean, if this blog was my baby, and I forgot to throw a celebration for its first birthday, I'd be a horrible mother, right? But this is the internet, and I don't know how much I care about you guys, so who cares, right? However, cupcakes would have been nice.

Anyway, I need to get back into the regular swing of things over here at thingsonmymindgrapes, and the last time I did this it was a big hit, so here you go. Text messages that currently exist on my phone, part deux:

Please! Take me now.

I was putting make up on and my dad was like do you need help he is all over me

Such flagrant nose picking!

i had some rice with a couple girls last night. long grain.

Damn you crustacean. Your nastiness and craziness amazes me.

do i smell generalization!

One of the EIGHT movers is kind of cute, in a pseudo-vagrant kind of way. I figure that’s still a good statistic for egypt.

Some girl just asked to borrow my notes from last class and I was like “you can HAVE this doodle of a sheep but I don’t know how useful it will be.”

It’ll find a way into the oxford dictionary. I did some favours (notice the u!) for some editors there a few years back but I don’t wanna talk about it.

You whine like a chimp in heat. It’s pathetic.

Just had a flash back of trying to do the splits and falling on my face last night. How old am i?

Just saw hottest guy I’ve seen in real life for some time now. The secretaries actually swooned. Will investigate for you.

Got the job. Will be weird not seeing you in 12 hour intervals.

Econ professor just said regularize 4 times. Then she wrote it on the board.

I’m never going to find a husband.

The leopard vest returns!

At the islamophobia conf @ auc. Btw, terrorism began with the mafia in italy. So, if we want to pt a finger, lets start there.

You is!

Who owns two leopard vests?!

Have a safe flight mon friar

We xam dooo whatever u liiiike haha

September 13, 2009

O say can you Little One

Little One and I are seven years apart. Growing up, this meant that I couldn't do anything fun because a) she'd either ruin it, or b) want to copy me, end up sucking, cry, wipe her snot on me. This also meant that at an age where I wanted to explore my inner child, we couldn't have sugary drinks that turned your tongue purple for fear of her bouncing off the walls and cracking her skull open, or bring home a pet for fear of her riding it. The absolute worst thing about our age difference, though, was being told, "don't get her excited before bed" every time Little One rested her moppy head.

For reasons unknown to anyone, RIGHT before Little One's bedtime is when I get the crazies. Symptoms include jumping jacks, pokes, putting every sentence to music, and making a general fool out of myself, all the while having Little One, and often our mother, refrain from rolling their eyes back too hard out of fear that they'll stay that way.

Tonight, as Little One was getting into bed, I did the following:

1. Throw four shirts and three pairs of jeans at the foot of her bed, one by one, and hang them back up in the closet at a painstakingly slow pace.

2. Rip the sheet and comforter off of my bed and violently thrown them onto her, and say, "What? It's messy."

3. Mutter "nose pickers are deaf" under my breath as our mom walked out of the room.

4. Rub in the fact that Coco loves me more than her by recounting the number of times she's slept on my bed this week.

Oops. Good luck waking up in exactly 6 hours, sucker!

*Also, and consider this my public service announcement to you, the Internet: If anyone lures you into their home under the pretense of watching He's Just Not That Into You, THEY WANT TO KILL YOU. Consider yourselves warned. Don't say I never gave you nothing.

September 10, 2009


Internet, I've been neglecting you. Well, not the entirety of the internet, but this here page in particular. In fact, I wish I could ignore the internet more and write here all the time, but a) I love the internet too much, and b) I don't really have all that much to say. Also, you'd get bored, I'd get bored, there'd be a nasty break-up, we'd avoid each other on the street...Wait, what?

Anyway, I hope to be back to regular posting after next week, but in the mean time, some of things currently making my head explode include:

1. The new Twitter account I just set up for the cousins in my family: I don't know if these goosebumps are from excitement related to that, or the MEAT LOCKER status of my office.

2. Ellen DeGeneres replacing Paula Abdul on 'American Idol': I hope one of the contestants is a carpenter so she can tell them they NAILED IT.

3. Cupcakes: As in, why aren't there any IN MY MOUTH.

4. Analogies: I can't even begin to express my loathing for these. Bird is to fish as chopstick is to IN MY EYE PIERCING MY FRONTAL LOBE.