November 21, 2008

Having Doubts

My 'no-going-out-on-Thursday-night' policy has been severely violated lately, and I have nothing good to show for it. Yesterday, I enjoyed some quality time with two former coworkers and a few of their friends. In between watching one couple smoke in their two year old's face (while helping him hold up his sippy cup full of soda, AT MIDNIGHT!), I listened in horror as Kiwi retold stories of her days as a physical therapist in New Zealand.

There were no less than seven stories about overly excited athletes engaging in extreme(-ly insane and stupid) sports, resulting in life threatening injuries and long term rehabilitation. This conversation could not have come at a worse time. Tomorrow, ladies and gentlemen, I am joining a gym. For 25 years, I have fought the evil exercise gods and have rested my laurels on an incredible metabolism (which has, unfortunately, begun to slow to the pace of a hundred year-old Galapagos Island tortoise). All I can think of is slipping off a treadmill and breaking my teeth, lifting dumb weights only to have them drop on one of my human hooves, or straining my opposable thumbs so bad that typing becomes impossible.

Who invented exercise, anyway? No one ever broke their neck while lying down on their couch.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

you can do it! i'll work out tomorrow too in your honor! don't eat that cookie you're fat! jk obvy

Squill said...

Dude, I think your metabolism is still working well... keep to the couch. x

thingsonmymindgrapes said...

Richy, would LOVE a cookie right now.

Squill, I'm hiding the excess baggage well. We'll see how tomorrow goes. If it's too stressful, I will take immediate comfort in bed with a tub of vanilla icing.

Unknown said...

progress...

Forsoothsayer said...

i can't believe u find hooves more mentionable than feet. hooves scare me.
exercise...pfft.